Postpartum recovery isn’t easy- this is how we can handle the holidays with a newborn.
Facing the holidays can sometimes be daunting enough by itself- without adding a new baby and postpartum recovery into the mix.
While we would all love to keep the holidays to their true meaning, the truth is a lot more often comes into play. Family dynamics, social dynamics, personal expectations, and financial costs, to name a few.
Entering the holiday season when you have a newborn can completely change your perspective on how you celebrate- especially if postpartum recovery isn’t going as smoothly as you’d hoped.
So how do you handle the holidays with a newborn?
Keep it simple
This is where the family and societal expectations really start getting to you.
The overwhelming pressure to have a perfect holiday celebration, find the right gifts, have a Pinterest-worthy set up, AND bake delicious food- it’s very real. The stress of pulling it all together can be insane. Even more so when you’re still physically recovering, figuring out feeding, and caring for a newborn who may or may not be giving you enough time to sleep.
At the end of the day, we all know what the holidays are really about- love, hope, and family. It can be very easy to lose sight of that in the midst of everything else, but what better time to re-evaluate than when you’re recovering with a newborn?
This is about you and your new family dynamic. It isn’t about keeping your relatives happy. And it absolutely isn’t about living up to whatever society expects of us. It’s about what’s best for you and your baby.
That means it’s okay to bake cookies from the roll. It’s okay to put up minimal decorations, or no decorations at all. And you know what? It’s also okay to go overboard with decorations if that’s what you feel like doing.
Keeping it simple means you do what’s a priority to you. Focus on what’s best for your family. Make memories and skip the rest.
Take care of yourself
Holiday season or not, if you’re in postpartum recovery, you need to take the extra time to take care of yourself. I know- easier said than done. Especially if you’re going through an unexpected circumstance like illness, or if you’re caring for all of your kids with little help.
But your body is going through a lot, and to be honest, your mind and emotions probably are too. Birth can be difficult. Postpartum can be even more so.
Don’t neglect letting yourself heal and rest just because you’re getting caught up in holiday celebrations. Overexerting your body and stressing out won’t help right now- or in the long run. I’m not saying you can’t do all of the fun things you love to do during the season, but make sure you let yourself rest in between activities. Take deep breaths. Give yourself as many opportunities to relax as possible.
Listen to what your body needs, physically and emotionally. Even if you love the holiday season, don’t push aside things that are beneficial to you like sitz baths, supplements/medication, or good old-fashioned sleep in order to try to keep up with demands. Your health takes priority, and so does your baby’s needs.
Have a plan
Part of keeping it simple and taking care of yourself is planning out what your holiday season is going to look like.
Frenzies of holiday gatherings, gift exchanges, family traditions, and more come up a lot during the holidays. It’s easy to feel pressured into saying yes to E V E R Y T H I N G.
Take a little bit of time and think about what’s truly important to you this holiday season. Decide what you actually want to include in the holidays and what can be left out. I’m not saying this is going to be easy to do, especially if you’re afraid of letting people down. Asking yourself these questions when considering an event or tradition can help.
- Am I comfortable with this happening around my baby or myself right now?
- Is this going to cause me a lot of unnecessary stress?
- If I don’t participate this year, will it bother me later?
Decide how you’re going to celebrate and make a plan. Which events you’ll go to, any special foods you want, and what help you might need during the season. Stick to the plan that works best for you.
Set boundaries
Once you’ve decided what you want to do over the holidays (and perhaps even more importantly, what you don’t), it’s time to set some boundaries.
Boundaries are anything overall beneficial that you absolutely will not sway on. But recognize that sometimes the pushback we receive from implementing boundaries can be stronger than we expect.
If you’ve decided that you’re not comfortable bringing your newborn to large family gatherings, that’s absolutely okay. You’re not trying to insult anybody, you’re only doing what you believe is safest for your baby. If you can, offer some alternatives to the gatherings- maybe your parents and your partner’s parents can stop over the next day for a small dinner of pizza on paper plates (or whatever works for you!) Maybe you can FaceTime during the event so that out-of-town relatives still have a chance to meet your newborn. If you’re not comfortable with that, maybe you can send them some pictures of your baby. Or, do nothing at all but stay home.
If you’re not used to setting boundaries, or if you’re a people pleaser (like me), getting any kind of pushback on your boundaries might cause you to waver or get stressed out. Here are some simple ways to respond to anyone who is trying to get you to reconsider.
- No (or no thank you- remember, this is a full sentence!)
- I’m sorry, it isn’t going to work for us this year. (And no, you don’t have to explain why.)
- We’ve considered it and unfortunately can’t make it.
- I’m sorry you’re disappointed, but this is the best decision for us right now.
It’s best to keep any response short and to the point- if you try to give lengthy explanations, you’ll just stress yourself. And you’ll also only be giving them more opportunities to try to “refute” the reasoning behind your decision. Remember- you don’t have to explain anything beyond telling them it isn’t going to work for you.
Find helpers
It’s unrealistic to think that we can really get everything done ourselves. Even more so when we’ve just given birth. Holidays with a newborn can definitely call for a little extra help!
If you’ve decided what you want to do this holiday season and are still feeling overwhelmed, asking for help is normal and even a great way to stay connected to the other people in your life who are important to you.
If you’ve decided that what you most want to do during the holidays is stay home and not do anything extra, that’s awesome. Focus on your baby and let everything else slide.
Focus on what’s important
There’s a well-known quote that goes:
At the end of the day people won’t remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.
-Maya Angelou
Ten years from now, you’re probably not going to remember what your house looked like or what you had for dinner over the holidays. But you will remember how you felt during these holidays with a newborn. You’ll remember whether or not you felt supported, or whether you felt stressed. You’ll remember if you got to spend enough time snuggling your new baby. And you’ll remember if you enjoyed these holidays with a newborn as your baby’s first, or if you were just trying to get through them.
These are the first holidays you’re celebrating with a new family dynamic. That in and of itself should be a celebration! What your body did to grow and nourish your baby, what it’s still doing to nourish your baby, that should be celebrated.
The rest is just extra.
So don’t worry about making anything perfect. This isn’t just the holiday season, it’s a new season of your life. Do your best to let the pressure slide and spend time with the ones you love, doing what’s most important to you.
Any suggestions or tips for going through the holidays with a newborn? Leave them in the comments!
Don’t forget to pin for later!
